Power Ranking: Condiments

I’ve loosely had this idea for since we started The Chatter. It started when I asked Disco to power rank his top 3 fruits. I’ve never disagreed with a person more in my life, so I thought we could turn the idea of power ranking stupid stuff into some content. We’ll introduce our power ranking blogs with the power ranking of our favorite condiments. Joining me is Disco and Jawny. Me and Jawny are currently in ketosis, so hopefully that doesn’t hinder our judgement, because I’m still annoyed with Disco for saying that pears were a top three fruit.

Disco

  1. I didn’t have to think about this for more than a second. Barbecue sauce is 110% the best condiment in the world right now and I will take that to the grave.
  2. Kind of questionable to call this a condiment, but Chipotle Mayo is the only thing that can give BBQ sauce a run for its money. I try to say Chipotle out loud as little as possible because I get roasted for saying it like a 60-year-old person, but I refuse to change.
  3. I really struggled with this. I’ve been split between yellow mustard and buffalo sauce, but I think I’ll have to side with mustard. It’s always safe, it’s easy, and it’s always been loyal to me. If you would have asked me 10 years ago, I would have definitely had yellow mustard in the top spot.
  4. Buffalo. I’m really not a fan of wings, but buffalo sauce on chicken is undeniable. I eat buffalo sauce much more often than any of these other condiments, but it truly isn’t as desirable as the others.
  5. This is a new discovery of mine, but I have to say honey mustard. I was unknowingly eating honey mustard for over a month because the buffet I used to eat at didn’t have it labeled, but I thought it looked good so I tried it once. I immediately fell in love, and if you would’ve told me a year ago that I would rank honey mustard in my top 5, I would’ve thought you were a crazy person.

Jawny

  1.  Ranch dressing. The most versatile condiment.  Now, there are good ranch, and there are bad ranch, but a good ranch can make any food better.  It can take a shitty slice of pizza and turn it into the best damn thing you’ve eaten all day.  Put it on vegetables and you won’t hate eating them anymore.
  2. Honey mustard.  Again, there are plenty of bad versions out there.  But a nice honey mustard, like kens honey mustard for dipping, make fries, chicken, and really any starchy food an ungodly meal.
  3. Hot sauce. Another versatile condiment, with millions of varieties out there, hot sauce is in every cabinet in America.  The hotter the better.  Don’t be a pussy.  Hanks is the best brand.  Sponsor us plz @hanks sauce.  https://www.hanksauce.com
  4. Cajun gourmaise.  Brand new find.  Comes from boujee ass whole foods, but this sauce is absolutely dynamite.  Indescribable flavor.  Little sweet, little heat, and perfect for ketosis. 
  5. Now ill probably get some heat for this, but ketchup is a staple.  Hot dogs, French fries, cheesesteaks, burgers, you name it.  Ketchup is a staple and should not be overlooked.

Commish

  1. Yellow Mustard. Absolute staple for any burger, sandwich, or hot dog. Hell, I even dip potato chips in it.
  2. Honey Mustard. Clearly, I’m a big mustard guy. Dijon and spicy brown didn’t make my top five, but they’re damn close.
  3. Chipotle Mayo. Credit to Disco here, probably wouldn’t have thought of it but Chipotle Mayo is damn good for just about anything.
  4. Ranch. No brainer for the top five, but can be overrated at times and as Jawny said, some are better than others.
  5. Thousand Island. Whether it’s on a Big Mac or salad, Thousand Island is an absolute game changer that many people overlook.

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